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A passive aggressive package arrives

The mail doesn’t actually come to our house. We need to go to our local post office and look in our box for mail. It’s a quaint-little-village kind of thing to do, isn’t it?

I like going to check my mail, but for some reason I don’t get around to doing it much. Kind of like my exercise regime, I guess. Anyhow, when I finally get there, it’s overflowing and often jammed to the hilt. (I would imagine that our family’s box is a pet peeve of the postal employees.)

Yesterday was one of those days — the box was stuck tight with bills and magazines and local newspapers and annoying flyers for things I don’t want. But that special piece of paper was in there that makes me do a little “oh, yipee! what could it be?” in my head. It was a parcel pick-up notice.

I go and pick-up my parcel and low-and-behold, my darling baby brother has sent my husband and I birthday presents! Woohoo! I love that boy. What university student do you know that does that?

passive-small

 

So here’s what I got: a book called Passive Aggressive Notes – Painfully Polite and Hilariously Hostile Writings by Kerry Miller.   

Look closely at the cover and you’ll see a note on an office fridge that says: “Dear Milk Thief – that was breast milk!”

And just below that, there’s another passive aggressive note sample: a customer waiting in a diner for service has obviously given up and left a note written entirely in ketchup that reads: “We waited 30 min. NO SERVICE.”

I hadn’t heard of this book before, but if you’re familiar with Post Secret, it’s like that. She collects passive aggressive notes from anyone, around the world, and posts them on her blog. The blog got so popular, now there’s a book.

Here’s a couple of funny ones for you:

Many thanks to whoever opened up a package that was addressed to me, and stole $19 worth of cat food. Opening up someone’s mail is a federal offence. I hope your cat chokes on the food.   :)

Note that little happy face? That cracks me up.

Many of the entries are from disgruntled office workers who have clearly lost it over people stealing their lunch from the communal fridge, not paying for their share of communal coffee, or not cleaning out the communal microwave. But here’s one that’s a little different:

Please refrain from leaving piles of work and/or random things on my chair when I’m away! It makes me want to poke my eyes out!!!! [loveheart] Thx.

It’s the communal thing that really sends people cracking I guess, because there are also lots (lots!) of entries from roommates who are tired of their fellow roommates not flushing the toilet, not putting the seat down, or not replacing the toilet roll. (Hmmm … I wonder if these kinds of notes work for spouses?) Here’s one of many related to dirty dishes:

Is there some great-God of unwashed plates whom we must appease by building statues in his honour every day? Just a thought.

I was actually a terrible roommate in university (Jane, thanks for putting up with me — I don’t know how you did it!).  And I’m not really that much better these days either. But thankfully my husband can put up with clutter and non-existent cooking skills.

I do like to think I was always considerate at the office. But who knows, maybe I drove them nuts there. Thankfully though, I don’t have  a collection of these little passive aggressive treats. Have you ever come across any in your office?

I wonder what kind of note the postal clerks could leave for me in my box? Leave me your suggestions for a postal-clerk passive aggressive rant in the comments … go on, have some fun!

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Comments

  1. From Murray, the gentle post-office worker pushed to breaking point….

    Every time your postal box overfills it makes me want to rock gently back and forth in a fetal position while smacking myself in the face with the hardest, most pointy package out of the goddamn bunch you haven’t picked up.

    Oh, I also wanted to remind you about the village bakesale this Friday!

  2. My humblest apologies for the tattered, crumpled, crammed-in state of your mail.

  3. To the eternally gleeful co-worker who sits right around the corner from me:

    I think it is amazing that, in the middle of the summer, you find it acceptable to hum Christmas songs aloud for all to hear. There is nothing I like more than having Jingle Bells stuck in my head all day, not to mention the reminder of street lights on at 4pm, snow and financial burden. Oh, and what the hell does “for crying out loud on a bloody Tuesday morning” mean anyway? Hoping our dreams come true, and you can work from home more often. Much love.

  4. Jacqueline says:

    In a previous job we can up with the “T-shirt” concept where we would recall great lines from our fearless leaders and turn them into wonderul T-shirt slogans.

    Here is one that keep me laughing daily:

    Our boss was about to lay someone off and his opening line was…..
    “Its a beautiful day out there….but not for everyone.”

    Classic!

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