I admit, I sometimes find it difficult to find that healhy middle-ground between raising free-range kids and parnoid kids. From my own experiences I have learned that instilling fear of the ‘nasty world’ into a child can prevent them from living life and enjoying day to day activities, and may not prepare them for the ‘real world’ as they get into their late teens. Having kids ranging from 23 – 3, I have parented teens and am now parenting teens, elementary age and a toddler at the same time. I have learned that for me, and for my two younger children, the most effective way for all of us to enjoy life is for me to do my best to teach them how to deal with life’s possibilities…and educate them on the best way to handle things, and strategies to ‘keep safe’. Most importantly – I laugh and have fun times with my kids and stay involved their day to day lives – know what goes on in their days, who their friends are and all that goes in between.

It was only over the last few months I have allowed my 8 year old son to ride his bicycle around the block (which is basically a courtyard) on his own…without my running beside him! The joy he gets from that – and the indpendence that he feels reassures me it is the right thing to do. He needs to start feeling trusted and responsible…and that he actually is more mature than his three year old brother! I was holding him back from natural rate of maturity I think!

All that being said…I honestly do believe that part of the biggest problem is that things are not necessarily ‘more horrible than ever’ in our world now, but that we are so connected with media that we know EVERYTHING about EVERYONE nowadays! Sure – it’s great to be so aware of all that goes on day to day in our world but realistically – I am sure sick people always existed but without internet, tv, radio etc.. – how would one ever know about the child who was abducted in another province – let alone country? Also – I believe generations past, not all incidents were necessarily reported.

As you reitterated, right or wrong – I do believe that statistics are important in putting things in perspective. Frankly, I think I am more fearful of my child being diagnosed with a terminal illness…or seriously injured in a car accident…that being taken by a stranger.

Live, Love, Laugh….and Teach….

Just my two cents!

If my math is correct, then 115 out of 320,000,000 is 0.00000036. I don’t think that that number is worth instilling fear in my child for.

Remember, I’m saying “child.” I fully plan to warn, role-play, etc, with my children when they are older about the different things you mention.

I’m not saying – go be complacent; I’m saying – let’s put this in perspective.

And I’m also not saying that as parents we shouldn’t be vigilent. For example, I still walk my daughter to the bus stop, I just don’t tell her all sorts of “stanger danger” things along the way. She just thinks I like to walk with her I guess. So, it’s a win-win. You can be vigilent without instilling unnecessary fear of our fellow humans.

Trish – I hear you. It’s much easier to embrace “free-range kids” philosophically than in actual real life. I struggle with it too. Also, thanks for sharing the tip re teaching your child via the logic questioning. That’s a good one because they are learning an important life skill.

Margo – I heard a “bingo!” go off in my head when you noted that your biggest hurdle is “what will others think?” On the radio segment yesterday, one of the interviewees noted that it is just not a societal norm anymore to let your kids play outside without you.

Meanie – Yes, I actually feel guilty when I simply sit and have a coffee with a friend instead of the whole structured playdate thing. It’s silly — kids need to learn how to make their own fun. And if we don’t let them, well … what happens when they’re older?

Ali – I agree, traffic can actually be the biggest hurdle for a lot of people. We’ve got tons of construction going on in our neighbourhood right now, so we’re all escorting our children back and forth to keep safe from the machinery and cars.

Melissa – I’m horrified to hear what happened to you. Naturally, I’m not surprised then to hear you disagree with my stance on “stranger danger.” My point is that strangers aren’t really the big danger (if you look at the stats), the biggest danger is actually the adult who is too friendly with your child over an extended period of time, the uncle who wants your child to sit on his lap all the time, the ex-husband who bitterly wants custody of the children again. The stats show that those are actually the most likely people to hurt/abduct your child. So, I don’t see the point of teaching my children to be afraid of other people. I think fear is a damaging thing to a psyche. I do think parents need to be vigilent and take precautions to protect their children from harm, but they don’t necessarily need to do so by instilling a fear in them about strangers. For instance, I encourage all the neighbourhood kids to come to our yard to play. It’s huge, has a playstructure, is fenced, and I can see everything from my kitchen window. The neighbours like knowing their children are safe from traffic and I like knowing that the kids are getting a chance to make their own fun.

Fear is never based on facts though. I don’t want my child to be one of the 115 and chances are that they never will be. If I don’t let them live though, what other ills will catch them? Are we even letting our children learn how to be street smart? What happens when they are older and have never had to think for themselves, to engage that intuitive sense that tells them not to go with this person or not to trust that person?

Trish, I like your approach. It makes sense. It is easy for a child to grasp.

You know the biggest hurdle I have to letting my kids play outside on their own? It’s “what will other people think?” I’ve had to say that I don’t care and if anyone comments. I’m a good parent even if others may not think I am. I want my kids to learn independence and how to have fun without waiting for me to tell them what they can do to have fun.

Our kids are missing out on a chance to be kids when they are only allowed to play when we are around. It will come back to bite us in ways we can’t imagine yet.