My daughter celebrated the sacrament of first reconciliation this week. This is one of a series of sacraments that one progresses through in the life of a Catholic, which start with baptism and continue on to marriage. For this sacrament, one confesses their sins and then one receives forgiveness from God.
Although I find myself unable to believe in a God or the church, my husband is a strong believer and we have decided to raise our children in the Catholic faith. Despite my ambivalence about this decision, it has given me a number of opportunities for reflective thought on important topics. Like forgiveness.
I’m not so good at forgetting, but I have learned the value of forgiveness and try to offer it whenever it is asked. I’m also not so good at being perfect, and as a result spend quite a bit of time kicking myself over my mistakes. It is much easier for me to forgive others than to forgive myself. (Do you find that too?)
This week I made a mistake. It was a mistake because my words hurt someone. It was inadvertent on my part. But with some basic forethought, I could have avoided the whole situation. I’ve made my apology and received its acceptance. But still. I’m kicking myself.
All this brings me to this video. It was shown at my daughter’s reconcillation and I had never seen it before. Not only does it make me miss my dog, who passes away last year, but it also makes me miss that faith I had as a child that God existed.
Regardless of your own beliefs, I think you’ll enjoy this beautiful little video by Wendy Francisco.
I like this. And I too have trouble forgiving me above all others. However, as I interact with little children all day long and look at the two human beings that grew inside of me, I cannot help believeing in a God who can create such wonderful things for me to play with!
I am proud of you for attending the reconciliation as the hockey game was on. I heard it was short on men…
I am sorry that you are still hurting so much. My dog was a Border Collie and she died this past June. Some days the raw feeling of loss still hits me like it just happened. I had a Border Collie puppy in a few weeks ago and came and home at the end of the day and lay down in bed and cried. She made me crazy daily and I miss her so.
Screwing up is a hard thing to accept in oneself. I think that forgiving someone else is easy in comparison to having to admit that we did something wrong. And not only do you have to admit it to another person, you have to admit it to yourself. My basic problem with therapy is that I can’t lie to my therapist so that he thinks I am a better or a nicer person than I really am – ’cause I won’t get anywhere and it will be a waste of $145. I hope your self-flagellation ends soon!
The video made me cry. It makes so much sense to me; obviously I think that what I do is a little piece of heaven. I have to believe in God. I cannot believe that I will not be reunited with those that I have loved at some future time – including every animal who has ever helped my heart to heal.
Thank you for this, Jules. This week saw some old friends with floppy ears and eager tails leaving for greener pastures. I know one man’s heart was broken almost in two. This video helped me.
Hugs to you.
Stefanie – Glad you liked the video too. And guess what? Stella asked me to find her a dress to wear for church – yes, a dress!
Heather Ann – Like Stefanie (an elementary teacher), you do such heart-felt work too. I will never, ever forget all that you did for our family when we lost dear Riley.
Very nice post… and awesome video. Love it!
Self forgiveness is such a hard thing, especially since, as women, we often have very high expectations of ourselves. I often marvel at my husband’s ability to deal with a situation and move on. He doesn’t dwell on the would haves or should haves, he just focus on what was, makes peace and is done with it. It’s one characteristic of the male gender I’m often jealous of.
Self-forgiveness does seem to be the hardest thing to conquer. Not sure why…
Loved the video!
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I am going to take my dog for a nice walk today. I will also give her twice the amount of treats and a big giant hug.
Love the video!
J