Liam Neeson in the film The Grey. Photo credit.

It’s old fashioned and sexist to believe that men should all be strong and brave, just as it would be to believe that all women should be nurturing and gentle. But the news has been filled with stories of weak, dishonourable men as of late. And it is making me long for a time (fictional or not) for when “men were men.”

First there is the Penn State football scandal in which assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky repeatedly abused young boys. On several occasions, according to this report posted today, Sandusky was caught in the middle of abusing a child:

• In the fall of 2000, a janitor named James Calhoun witnesses Sandusky pinning a young boy up against a wall and abusing him. He does not pull Sandusky off the child and get the child to safety.
• In this same year, another employee, Ronald Petrosky, is cleaning the showers and comes across Sandusky abusing another young boy. Again, another man witnesses a man abusing a child and does not intervene and get the child to safety.
• In 2002, a graduate assistant to the team, Mike McQueary, comes across Sandusky sodomizing a young boy. Yet again, another a grown man does not intervene and get the child to safety.

I like to think that if I had been in the position of any of the three men above that I would run up screaming and yelling and try to push Sandusky away from the child. I also strongly believe that the men I know best would rather risk a black eye and upsetting an influential sports figure on campus, than live with knowing that they walked away from a child who desperately needed help. It’s one thing to hear of suspected abuse, but to witness it in the act not intervene? I simply can’t understand this.

Next, we have Captain Schettino of the Costa Concordia. His ship goes down, and rather than working to organize a rescue, he jumps overboard and saves himself. From a lifeboat, he watches the passengers frantically trying to escape while a Coast Guard captain urges him to go back on board to assist with the rescue. The entire conversation between Schettino and the Coast Guard is recorded and you can hear the captain’s weak excuses for not going back and the Guard finally demanding that he do — ” Get back aboard, damn it!” – to no avail. There are 11 passengers confirmed dead, and another 23 still unaccounted for.

And last but not least, the major news from yesterday was the guilty verdict in the Shafia case. Three members of the family, including the father, are charged with killing four members of the family – three sisters and the father’s second wife. Again, we have a man, Mohammad Shafia, putting his own needs first.

In the Penn State case, it would seem that the men did nothing so that they could avoid ruffling the feathers of a popular football team’s leadership, while in the Costa Concordia situation, Schettino feared for his own life and ran for shelter rather than to fulfill his duty as captain. Then, with Shafia, he is so focused on his own “honour” and reputation, he murders his own flesh and blood. Rather than re-examine his own values and do the hard work of bridging a compromise with his daughters, he decided to just make the “problem” go away.

I know there are plenty of honourable men – and women — in our society today. They quietly do hard, brave work every day. But the spate of recent media stories has really had me feeling sick to my stomach.

I am more interested in street art these days than I used to be, and I attribute this to the documentary-styled film “Exit Through the Gift Shop.” I’ve embedded a clip of this movie below, if you’re interested.

And below are pics of some of the graffiti/street art from my trip to NYC. (I flew home late Thursday afternoon and went to work on Friday … it’s Saturday now.)

Andrea Tomkins blogs at a peek inside the fishbowl, where she has been known to write about crafty things, recipes, and other fun stuff for Ottawa parents. You can also follow her adventures on Facebook or on Twitter.

Harry Potter crafting
by Andrea Tomkins

Now that the last movie is out, Harry Potter mania has returned to our household.

A few years ago, the Harry Potter series was our family bedtime reading. Every night (starting from the first book) we’d read a chapter together. When we finally made it through all seven, my youngest daughter picked up the first book in the series and read them all herself. Now that’s a fan.

Although we started with the books, the movies were great too. We watched each one after we finished each book. What’s more, we drove down to see the Harry Potter exhibit when it was in Toronto last summer. We bought chocolate frogs and some Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans and came close to buying a Marauder’s Map (but it was pricey so we left it behind). This got me thinking. What kind of Harry Potter crafts can we make at home?

Here are a few of the things we have made. 

Magic wands

• First, we combed the backyard for the perfect stick. We have also found great sticks (they have to be perfectly straight and just the right length) by the curb after a neighbour’s tree trimming. Stick choice is immensely personal and requires time and patience to find just the right one.
• Green sticks (that is, freshly cut ones) have new bark that can be peeled off fairly easily. When the bark is removed it results in a lovely smooth texture that dries really nicely.
• I could have grabbed the glue gun and embellished them with beads and feathers, but we left them as is for a perfectly natural-looking wands. (Which was a good thing because the dog got hold of one.)

Quills

We found the perfect goose feathers down by the Ottawa River the other day; huge and totally pristine, BUT from what I’ve seen online I realized that making a quill was going to be a heck of a lot more difficult than I had thought. The process is long and involves tempering (!) and slicing the nib of the sheath and shaping it just so.  (See what I mean?) I wasn’t sure I wanted to set out on this road, so in the meantime we have been pretending it’s a real quill.

Coins

We had great success making gold galleons. This is the perfect craft, because it takes a bit of time and resourcefulness and teaches kids how to swing a hammer.

• Raid dad’s beer bottle “collection” for caps
• Find a good surface to work on (we decided to work outdoors on the patio).
• Grab a hammer and flatten all the caps.
• Paint your “coins” with gold spray paint. (Maybe mom should do this part.)

Tuck them into a little drawstring pouch when they’re dry. (We happened to have a black velvet one from the LCBO. Perfect!)

There are some neat ideas over at Instructibles for other Harry Potter-related crafty projects. I’m not sure what we should make next. I really like the Mad Eye Moody Eye (it’d be fun to wear to the last movie!) and am intrigued by this wand. Tough call. Maybe I’ll just make us some butterbeer and think about it a little more.

We leaned against a wall where we couldn’t be seen and **poof** my first kiss. Blaring in the background was the music from the dancefloor — “If you leave” by OMD. To this day, that song immediately transports me back to that lovely moment in time.

Ah, sweet memories. Happy valentine’s day to each and every one of you.

As you can imagine with any gathering of women, the food is plentiful and so is the wine. Plus, the hostess gives us each an old fashioned loot bag — like you would receive if you were a kid going to a party. Awesome, right? I know.

With the exception of one, who works in the research department at a magazine and knows everything about everything, many of us really don’t make it out to the movies much. So we’re basically watching the red-carpet outfits. But, nevertheless, I like to make a rushed attempt to see as many Oscar-nominated films as I can in the last couple of weeks before the show.

So, here’s how I’m doing so far this year when it comes to the 10 films that have been nominated for Best Picture:

The Fighter:

This one is up for a ton of awards. Although the acting was fabulous, I can’t say that I fell in love with the movie itself. It was good. And it’s definitely worth a watch … but to win the Oscar for Best Picture? Meh. It just wasn’t unique enough. Or memorable enough.

However, I did mention the acting. Christian Bale is not only unrecognizable, but entirely believeable as a drug addict. He plays the lead’s brother, as both likeable but infuriating. Bale really pulls it off. Plus, any time a good looking person plays ugly (think Nicole Kidman with a nose prothesis in The Hours , or Charleze Theron with bad skin and a few extra pounds in Monster) they get lots of Oscar karma. So he’s got it in the bag I think.

Two of the movie’s supporting actresses are up for nominations as well — and both are extremely well-deserved. Although Melissa Leo plays the controlling matriarch to perfect pitch, I can’t help but root for the fiesty character that Amy Adams pulled off as the girlfriend.

The King’s Speech:

Like The Fighter, this is an excellent, solid movie, but I don’t see it as “the” best picture of the year. But just because it might not seem “best picture”-worthy to me, doesn’t mean I don’t think you should run out and see it right now!

The movie follows how a man in a position of immense power tries to deal with a severe speech stammer. It’s touching AND inspiring. Colin Firth, as the film’s title king, does amazing work on this film. I’d love to see him win for best male lead.

Black Swan:

Now this is what I call a best picture! As one of the most unique and riveting films I’ve seen in ages, and I’m kind of at a loss how to even describe it. (It’s quite disturbing, so don’t take your young ballet-loving sons or daughters to see it.) But if you are interested in this film, I’d definitely recommend trying to catch it on the big screen; it’s worth it.

As far as I’m concerned Natalie Portman’s name should already be engraved on the leading lady Oscar. She transformed herself physically for the role and looked every bit the part. But more than that, she was just perfection in this role. I could not have asked for more from her.

So, with the weekend around the corner, I’m hoping to increase my current score of 3 out of 10. Which ones should I try to see first? I’m thinking The Social Network, The Kids Are All Right, and Winter’s Bone.

Have you seen any of the Oscar-nominated films? What were your faves? Who would you love to see win for lead and supporting actors/actresses? Or do you just watch the red-carpet dresses and call it a day!

And despite having a house full of love and a pocket full of wonderful friends, I am often that lady sitting alone in the movie theatre. When I have a night to myself, I choose to be alone. I go to Chapters, then I eat at my favourite little Thai place, and then I head over to the movie theatre. I’ve really grown to enjoy being alone.

So whether you are alone by choice or not, check out this video by filmaker Andrea Dorfman and poet/singer/songwriter Tanya Davis. I think you’ll be glad you did … it’s both delightful and intriguing. (Big thanks to Sarah Carmichael who shared this on her cool blog Sarahcasm.)

It’s called “How To Be Alone.”

Sure, they knew I loved it. And I begged to take as many classes as could humanly be squeezed into a highschooler’s schedule. Only now, as a parent myself, do I start to realize there could have been another reason.

You see, while other highschoolers were indulging in house parties on the weekend, my circle of dance friends would get together and watch Dirty Dancing. We just never tired of it. I have no idea how many times we repeatedly watched this film (and White Nights – of course!) during those late 80s years.

I hadn’t seen Dirty Dancing since then, though. In honour of Patrick Swayze’s death, I just watched this iconic scene “Nobody puts Baby in a Corner.” The fact that Swayze is just as fabulous as what I remember didn’t surprise me. What did was that we actually considered this “dirty.” Compared to today’s pump-n-grind antics on the dance floors, this dirty dancing seems downright virginal.

Get it now? My parents must have thought that every penny spent on dance classes was worth it if it meant that my weekends were occupied with such relatively innocent behaviour — chocolate consumption and Dirty Dancing.

I’m sure glad they did. Cause I had the time of my life.

R.I.P.

Even though I couldn’t care less about Julia Child, and cooking in general for that matter, I was excited to see this movie. And that had everything to do with the blogging.

I first became fascinated with blogs when I was on maternity leave with my daughter in 2002. I had gone from running on a non-stop ride of intellectual stimulation as a full-time senior communications advisor who was also finishing up a Master of Arts thesis (yeah, baby, I collected that piece of paper with a very big belly!) to spending my days with a creature (sure, I grant you, an enormously cute creature) who didn’t speak, much less seem interested in discussing literature. So, during nap times, I turned to the internet.

The internet granted me a way to connect with others. The internet was my best friend.

Well, that’s not exactly true. But it was a friend that could meet an erratic feeding schedule, a friend that could comment and share opinions on being a new mother, and a friend that assured me I wasn’t the only one who was knee-deep in culture shock.

The books at Chapters didn’t tell me the real scoop on this new motherhood thing; they were full of rosey tales or sanctimonious pronouncements. The internet, on the other hand, had a wicked sense of humour. And although it seems to be considered an “inferior” form of blogging these days, the mommy-bloggers were a salvation of sorts.

From there, I started lurking around on all sorts of blogs. I loved reading people’s perspectives. Un-edited perspectives.

On blogs, one finds marital spats, frustrated swearing, blissful swearing, dirt and fairy dust. In short, real life. For someone like me who can’t stop reading, blogs are reality tv – but better.   

And just like reality tv, blogs can get messy. Dooce got fired. Raymi the Minx got undressed. And countless others shut themselves down voluntarily to stop the hate mail.

I expected a movie about blogging to step into some of this mud. Afterall, it was the real life story of Julie Powell, who started up a blog in 2002 when she was a newly wed and still searching out a career path.

Julie & Julia does touch on some key topics, like balancing the blog with your other real-life relationships and the fine line between expressing yourself versus invading the privacy of your loved ones. But it didn’t go deep enough for me. Or real enough. Or just enough — maybe I just wanted more.

What did you think?

Note the lovely toy with spider legs and baby head in top right-hand corner.

Is it just me, or are kids’ movies pretty creepy?

In our house, we rarely watch one of the latest, hyped-up kids’ releases. Call me crazy, but I like my sleep. Getting up in the middle of the night to tend to nightmares is not my idea of a good time.

Granted, my daughter may not be the average child. She is a bit of a thinker, shall we say. And thinking can lead to ruminating, and ruminating can lead to obsessing.

Take for instance, Toy Story. Yes, that well-loved favourite of families everywhere. While at a playdate, she watched this movie with her friends. The psychic damage took months to undo. I’m not joking. The toy that the boy Sid creates from his sister’s toys — a spider on the bottom with a deranged-looking baby head on top (shown in the image) – even I find it creepy. My friend had to literally scour through her house for any remote references to the movie … Woody toys, Toy Store books, etc. Only then could my daughter deem it safe to enter the home again.

Here are my major gripes with kids’ animated movies:

1. Difficult and distressing concepts: Concepts are introduced to children that they would not necessarily have thought of themselves. Concepts that adults grapple with, let alone children.

Bambi is an easy example. The mother dies. Generally speaking, most kids just assume that their parents will live forever. The concept of a parent dying (let alone leaving them orphaned like Bambi) is easily transferred: Bambi’s mom died, so my mom could die too.

Now, you might say that Bambi was from another era. How about The Incredibles for a recent example? In the opening scene a man is attempting to commit suicide. Do I really need to explain the idea of suicide to a child? Come on,  give me a break … most adults don’t really “get” suicide. Sure, perhaps your child didn’t even blink during this scene, but I had to walk out of the movie with my daughter (yes, after paying all that money!) because she had so many questions about ”what that man was doing” that she was disturbing the other viewers.   

2. Pretty people = good people, Not-so-pretty people = bad people: If you’ve got a hooked nose, acne scars or even a limp, chances are you are the bad guy in a kids’ animated movie. On the other hand, if your hair is shiny, your skin is clear and you have a button nose, you’re the tale’s hero.

What this embeds into a child’s subconscious is something I really abhor. I mean, all of our family is Barbie-doll beautiful of course, but what if members of my friends’ family are not? Will my child unknowingly hold them at arm’s length? Or will other children unknowingly hold one of my children at arm’s length because of their physical characteristics?

3. The inevitable scary scene: Sure, perhaps it’s the necessary element in a plot line, but could the scene be made scary, instead of terrifying? It seems to be a big-bang combo — intense music + frightening visuals. One just needs to think back to those leopard seals in Happy Feet to know what I’m taking about here.

All in all, I find that children’s animated movies, especially since the advent of the Simpsons, seem to be written for adults, not kids. There’s  innuendo and jokes clearly not included for the sake of children’s entertainment. I guess it’s a way to get the adults into the theatre to pay for the movie-going. But, I’m not buying. We’ll stick with our Discovery Channel at home, thanks.