Okay, so I’m back in Toronto. Again. For a blogging conference. Again.

I know … to most of you, this just sounds coo-coo! And I certainly don’t blame you for thinking that. But hey, it’s my month and I do love me some bloggers and some blogging fun. So I am here to partake in the bliss that is Blissdom Canada, a major conference that focuses on social media, blogging, marketing, and public relations. Plus, lots of connecting with women from all walks of life, with so many diverse talents.

I was already very keen to come to Blissdom Canada, and then I received an invite to participate at the event as a Tribe Leader for Travel, so it was a no-brainer — I was not going to miss it!

All of the Blissdom attendees were treated to an opening night reception at CBC’s home. To get from our conference hotel to the CBC building, we were chauffeured in Chevrolet Orlandos (a car that has flip-up seats that give you the space of a mini-van, but still drives like a car). We got all doll’d up and felt pretty special.

That’s my buddy Andrea and I. She’s pretty much a celebrity now (Which she can’t stand me saying. But, if you click here, you’ll see what I mean. Plus you can probably even see the pores on her face the photo of her is so large! I think she’ll love that I said that too.) It is actually quite difficult to bask in her starlight since she’s the modest type, but I still do my best.

Speaking of trying to get a little star dust …. here are some of my fun photos from the CBC Live party! Above is a terrible photo, but it gives me a lovely memory kick-back to the little “squee!” feeling I had when arriving to this stunning building, only to find a red carpet laid out for us and photographers waiting inside.

Ann Douglas has been my personal hero since finding myself increasing depressed (and distressed!) when I was first pregnant in 2002 and reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting. I was so relieved to find Ann’s book The Mother of All Pregnancy Books, with its warm, calm and intelligent tone. Since then, I pretty much try to read everything she writes. She is quite active on twitter and we chat every now and then, and last night, I got to meet her in person for the first time. She gave me such a big warm hug! Meeting her made me very happy. The rest of the conference was just going to be icing now.

On the far left of this picture is Nora Young, who is host of CBC’s show Spark. Most of us in the Ottawa bloggy community (standing beside Nora is Dani, Shannon, Karen, and Andrea on the end) are a little ga-ga over CBC Radio in general, but to meet Nora Young? Well, everyone was trying to act cool and not totally star struck!

And last but not least, I tried to get a photo with Casey. You know — Casey, from Mr. Dressup! Remember Casey?

But no dice. I knocked on his door, but it must have been past his bedtime or something.

CBC Live also covered the event and posted a great video with live footage. If you’re interested, you can check it out here.

And the response of “Oh, we’re just looking around at these neighbourhoods” never ceased to perplex me. I’d ask “Are we moving?” But, no, we weren’t moving, we were just looking.

Now, I am following in my parents mother’s (let’s face it, my father was just appeasing her addiction) footsteps and have clearly become a real estate junkie. I confess to:

• looking at the MLS listing at least once a week (oh, and Grapevine too, of course!)
• picking up all those free real estate magazines and looking through every page
• watching “Love it or List it” and endless varieties of HGTV shows
• buying home renovation, home building and other home-related magazines

But unlike others of my ilk, I have no interest in actually doing these home projects or updating the decor of my house (if I wish hard enough, someone will do it for me, right?). In fact, my husband and I could be classified as neglectful in this regard. (We still have the same couch we bought when we got married 14 years ago!) And yet, this insatiable interest of mine in housing lives on.

So I took an interest in the 2011 National Home Show coming up in February. It’s taking place in Toronto and in addition to the bazillion feasts of the eye, there are some particularly cool highlights such as:

A model home called “A Glass House” built by Concept PolygHome: 

• This home is a “bioclimatic” home, which unfortunately the company doesn’t seem to define on its website but which I understand to mean the integration of home with the environment. The designs and concepts of PolygHome are, to be understated, awesome.
• The structure of a PolygHome is made with wood beams that are manufactured from the recovery of engineered wood and are certified by the Forest Stewardship Council (FSC). The interior is created with aluminum, energy-efficient glass for the windows, a soya-based polyurethane foam for the insulation and an  insulated framework for the foundation with cement.
• Visitors at the National Home Show can visit one of these homes, which has been kitted out with interior designs by Debbie Travis.

What’s your design dilemma?

• Here, you can attend renovation workshops as well as get one-on-one consultations with interior designers!

HGTV celebs!

• You can meet & greet with designer celebrities including Debbie Travis, HGTV’s Bryan Baeumler, decor expert Janette Ewen, HGTV’s Colin & Justin, CityTV’s garden specialist Frank Ferragine and Jim Caruk of BIY Workshops.

Family Day

• On February 21st, children 17 & under are free, there is complimentary daycare, and you can enter to win a family vacation for four.

And much, much more … as you can only imagine. So, wanna go??

I’m going to give away a 4-pack of tickets to 4 lucky readers! All you need to do to enter is this:

• Be sure you can attend: It’s in Toronto and runs from February 18-27th, 2011 (details on logistics can be found on the National Home Show website).
• Leave a comment telling us what you love most about your home or what you want to change most about your home.

I will then:

• Select 4 winners using an computerized randomizer on January 21st, 2011
• Send each winner a 4-pack via regular post mail

Good luck!

Bloggy disclosure: I was given these tickets from Tina Holmes (twitter handle @HomeShowsTO) who is a home show marketer and producer. Of the 20 tickets I was provided, I will be keeping 4 for myself.  

This constant barrage of criticism can’t be good for my mental health, can it? Even though I can intellectually reject it, messages can still creep into my subconscious.

And if it’s not good for my mental health, then I certainly don’t want to expose my daughter (and son!) to it either. But wait … is it actually possible for her to avoid this kind of exposure? I can limit it but I cannot stop these commercials from reaching her at some point.

This is something that my husband and I have, regretably, had to accept. We’ve decided that it is more effective to teach our children how to think critically and challenge what it presented to them, than to  spend all of our efforts ensuring that they are not exposed to this kind of mass-manipulation.

So if the television is on in our house and the woman on the television is telling me how to lose weight before bathing suit season, I will talk back to her: “Oh, shut up! I am fine the way I am and diets are unhealthy. You just want my money!” Or alternatively, “What’s wrong with the wrinkles around my eyes? They’re natural. It’s just something that happens when you age. Stop trying to sell me your stupid creams! And how come you don’t try and sell these creams to men, huh?” 

I just thought you should know in case you drop by one day and find me talking to myself. Or yelling.

And also because I just found a gem of a woman named Sarah Haskins (thanks to Margot Magowan and About Face) and she does a tremendous job and breaking down the marketing techniques that specifically target women. Here is one of my favourites, titled “Target Women: Feeding your Family”:

Other great topics that she covers include: Disney Princesses, Cleaning Products, Yogurt, and Skin Care Science and even Vampires. I think her videos could be a great tool for parents who want to challenge media messages with their tweens and teenagers since she manages to combine a critical eye with wit and some well-chosen snark.

What do you think … did they give you a chuckle? did they make you think twice about how a commercial is manipulating you? And how does a woman manage to maintain any self-esteem these days when we’re faced with critical messaging all around us?

I’ve gotta go now. It’s bathing suit season around the corner and I need to go feed myself a liquid meal.   :P

In the first season of Glee, I found that Will (aka Mr. Shuester) shared many of my feelings of lingering doubt … Why did I never chase my dreams? What might have happened had I actually auditioned all those years ago?

Now, let me tell you, I did not relish the thought of being like Mr. Shuester. Quite the contrary. He seemed like a loser. A wanna-be who just never made it … [please click here to continue reading!]

You won’t want to miss tonight’s episode of Glee! Sue Sylvester’s video homage to Madonna’s “Vogue” airs at 9/8c!

I get an uncomfortable mix of emotions when I watch certain things. A ballet performance. A theatrical play. And the hit television series Glee.

I imagine other former gleeks take pleasure in watching these things. But me? It teases out raw, bittersweet feelings…

[please click to read more]

It’s returning tomorrow night! According to Fox Broadcasting, at 9:28/8:28c. (Strange time, but hey, it’s a strange show.)

If you missed last season, this recap video will catch you right up to speed. You can also watch full episodes on the Fox site. It’s been so long since I’ve actually felt excited for a television episode that I think I may just be a Gleek myself.

p.s. If you’re not a Gleek yet, you might be wondering what the heck a Glee club is. It’s a music club.

So last night, while he was in the bath, I was folding up the clean towels (gawd, how domestic does that sound??) and this song just came to me. I started singing it out loud to him and I haven’t been able to stop since!

If you’re of my vintage, I thought you might enjoy this little walk down memory lane too.

So, just sing! Sing a song! (It will help you get through “hump day” – promise!)

The whole concept of hyper-parenting is never really far from my mind, actually. It’s something that I consciously, actively want to avoid doing to my children. And yet, it seems we live in a world where hyper-parenting is almost becoming the norm. Or at least that’s how I felt when I just completed this registration form for my daughter to play soccer this summer. Here’s some of the verbiage from the waiver I just signed to release the organization from any liability:

The risks and hazards include but are not limited to injuries from: [...] Grass, turf and other surfaces including bacterial infections and rashes; Falls to the ground due to uneven or irregular terrain or surfaces; collisions with walls and soccer equipment; Extreme weather conditions which may result in heatstroke, sunstroke or hypothermia; Contact, colliding or being struck by other participants [...] Experience anxiety while challenging himself/herself during the activities [...]

Surely, I’m not the only one laughing – or at least rolling their eyes – when filling out these forms, am I?

Oh yes, those nasty grass hazards! Good thing they warned me about that. Oh, wait — my child can trip and hurt themselves while playing a sport? — no way, I’m not signing her up now!

You know, I feel bad that this organization has had to protect itself in this manner from the parents of its participants. So, it seems like nice timing that my Hyper-parenting post has just been reposted on the “Blissfully Domestic” site on the same day that I’m signing these ridiculous forms.

I’m really interested to what comments come in because the majority of readers for this “coffee with Julie” blog are Canadian, whereas the majority of readers on “Blissfully Domestic” are American and likely did not see the documentary … will they agree that there is hyper-parenting going on in their country? Will they recount similar experiences to ours? You can follow along with the discussion too by clicking here.

I got a heads-up from Ann Douglas’ blog at parentcentral.ca that it was coming and I was intrigued. In her review, Douglas concludes that this “hyper-parenting” phenomenon is largely a thing of the past:

The documentary is worth watching, if only as a reminder of where we’ve been and how far we’ve come in rejecting the consumerist parenting style that views parents as manufacturers and kids as products to be paraded before the neighbors and the relatives.

I’m not so sure, though. I think hyper-parenting is still highly pervasive in one form or another.

As example, I know a college professor who refuses to take calls from the parents of students — he finds it utterly ludicrous that he would need to speak to the parent of an adult. But apparently a lot of the parents don’t think so, because it keeps happening year after year.

I also know a senior high-school teacher who, although he loves his job, does admit to the frustration of dealing with “enabled” students and their parents. If a student, as example, does not hand-in their assignment and as a result is not allowed to progress to the next task, he can expect a parent call. And when the parent doesn’t get what they want from speaking to the teacher, they’ll move on up to the vice-principal. In a school system that barely allows students to be held accountable for their actions, parents like this only seem to compound the issue.

How these same young people will ever live as independent adults is anyone’s guess. Which is why the documentary was particularly fascinating when it focused on young adults that were not long out of the nest. Some were university students hobbled by anxiety. And then there was one young woman who seemed to epitomize the issue perfectly. She was bright, but seemingly clueless when it came to “real life” smarts. She cited being let go from a number of jobs due to attitude, lateness and disrespect for senior colleagues.

At the point when the documentary catches her, she’d chosen to leave a job that paid 90,000/year to start her own business. The business never took off and we see her prancing into an office to discuss bankruptcy with a designer bag, takeaway coffee and iPhone phone in hand. And what will happen to this helpless creature? Oh, mommy and daddy will surely take her back in. They’ve already been subsidizing her rent, after all.

Perhaps when Douglas suggests that hyper-parenting is no longer a common practice, she’s referring more to the over-indulgence of consumer goods upon children — the latest toys, video games and designer clothes — as grossly demonstrated in the documentary’s coverage of a $4,000 birthday party for a one-year-old. But even in this regard, I’m not so sure it’s a done deal either.

The documentary notes that hyper-parenting is found in the middle- to upper-classes. I live in a middle- to upper-class neighbourhood and I can attest that consumerism is still rampant in this neck of the woods! Kids wearing Lululemon, toting Nintendo DS players, heading out to multiple extra-curricular activities a week and returning home to their McMansions. Sure, it’s not everyone, but there’s enough to safely say that it exists.    

So, if this hyper-parenting does in fact exist in strong numbers, am I one of them? I don’t think so. But sometimes I actually have this irrational urge to be one.

What do I mean by that? Well, the documentary points to two driving factors behind hyper-parenting: fear (as suggested by the author Carl Honore) and peer pressure (as suggested by one of the parents).

Like all parents, I’m vulnerable to any suggestions of harm to my children. This innate desire to protect our children is used to sell newspapers, magazines, products and services everyday.

How? Okay, here’s one example: headlines shouting out that a child has been abducted by a stranger. It’s not that the media shouldn’t report on this — it is news, after all. It’s just that my intense desire to protect my child can overshadow the hard facts that stranger abductions are exceedingly rare. This parental fear is why few children ever walk to school or their bus stop unsupervised.

And despite my best efforts to shed this fear, I am one of those parents whose children are rarely unsupervised. So what’s the harm in this? The documentary draws a few interesting connections. The first is that when one isn’t allowed unsupervised play, then one ends up with structured play — like a team sport. Honore points out that team sports take all the control away from the child because the rules are made for them, the referree decides who is playing by the rules, etc. The documentary also points out that once you’ve been hovering around your child long enough, it starts to seem natural. Both parents and child get used to always having each other around and a co-dependence develops which makes eventual independence less likely.

The other driving factor that I mentioned above was peer pressure. As much as I hate to admit it, I feel the weight of peer pressure … that so-and-so is taking this class, perhaps my child should too? I actually feel embarrassed to admit that my children are enrolled in exactly zero extra-curricular activities at the moment. Rationally, I know that my children are getting exercise and stimulation through the more unstructured things we do as a family. But I still have this irrational response to the peer pressure to conform to what others are doing. I guess when it comes right down to it, this peer pressure brings me back in a circular swing to fear. The fear that maybe so-and-so is doing the best thing for their child and that I am depriving my child of something very important.

So what have I got to conclude from all of this? I guess:
1. That hyper-parenting is harmful to children
2. That hyper-parenting is a form of parental instinct, but magnified to excess
3. That I am vulnerable to fear and peer pressure

Nothing too ground-breaking in that list, is there? But still, the issue is deeply fascinating to me.

It really got me thinking about a lot of things — especially how much I dislike the use of fear-mongering to sell products and services to parents. It’s used to sell everything from books, to “green” products, to electronics and technology. (It also got Andrea Tomkins thinking about a lot of things too, which you can read here.)

And it really got me wondering if I have the potential to be a hyper-parent. I’ve concluded that I probably have the potential, but I’m just too darn tired to bother!

If you missed this documentary, you can read about it and view video clips here.

Edited at 10:05 pm to add: Did you like the premiere as much as the pilot? When I watched the pilot, it seemed so fresh, so hilarious. But the premiere, not so much.