david sedaris « coffee with Julie

Posts Tagged ‘david sedaris’

December 22nd, 2009

I’m in love with a gay man

I’ve tried to get him out of my head. But I just can’t.

It’s been months now that I have gone to bed, and then allowed myself the luxury of letting my thoughts drift off towards him and his life. Sure, my husband thinks I am going to bed earlier than usual, but hey, winter’s here and it makes a girl tired.

The thing is … he’s gay. I’m spending hours upon hours loving someone who will never love me back. I know, I’m surely not the only girl who’s ever fallen for a gay man.

The gay man can be known to frequent the gym, keep his body looking mighty young and tanned, wax hairs that were nature’s idea of a cruel joke and dress in clothes that were bought within this decade. It’s all just too much for a girl sometimes.

But the man I love? Hmm … let’s see … he’s lazy, out of shape, wears second-hand clothes, and chain-smokes to ward off his OCD. And that’s just what he admits to. Goodness only knows what his real flaws are.

Here’s a photo of him.

Uh, yeah. He’s got a monkey on his shoulder. Only a love-crazed woman would swoon over a man with a damn monkey on his shoulder!

But, you see…. this is David Sedaris. THE David Sedaris.

The same David Sedaris that I wrote about here after reading his book When You Are Engulfed in Flames. And then I also made you read excerpts from his books here too. Since then, I’ve savoured the stories in four of his books, with no plans of stopping anytime soon. And in case you think it’s only my bloggy friends that I am forcing Sedaris on, I’ve also coerced “real-life” friends to buy his books — even my mother has not been spared. (Although, to her credit — or discredit I should say – she said she thought his work was ”just stupid.” Just stupid! Can you believe that?! Sheesh.)

So, there, that’s it. Now I’ve gotten it off my chest. I’m in love with a man named David Sedaris. Who is already happily partnered off with a man named Hugh.

Okay, so perhaps I’m not entirely in love with him. But I am sooo in love with the notion of him. His ability to turn a phrase, to pick a choice word … it just leaves me in awe. This must be how teen-aged girls feel about a boy-band singer. They’d swear they’re in love too, despite never having met the kid on stage with makeup covering his zits.

I picture David (we’re on a first-name basis, of course) all messy-haired with raggedy slippers on, sitting at an old, heavy wooden desk in his country home in France. As he looks out the window into the night, he pauses to ponder a word or two while drawing on his cigarette, and then continues to write.

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October 29th, 2009

When you are engulfed in flames

“Engulfed in flames” — don’t you love it? I think it sums up life pretty well these days.

Between pulling very long hours at work and doing night shifts comforting sick children, I have the luxury of worrying about H1N1; the vaccine conundrum; having to carry my 40lb baby down our steep back steps and through my neighbours’ yards just to get out of my house due to the entire front street being dug up; getting the phone line ressurected after the crew mistakenly cuts through it on a weekly basis; worrying about my very pregnant friend and my very fit but fighting-cancer friend; and oh yeah, coyotes. Coyotes! I actually laughed out loud when my father warned me about that one. I mean, can you add anything more to the list? Now I need to worry about my pet or toddler being carried off by a wild creature.

That paragraph above. Those are my flames. I’m engulfed.

This leaves my attention span a bit frayed. Too frayed for a heavy-duty novel. But I still need something beside my bed table. Something good.

And the great news is that I’ve found it:

When You Are Engulfed In Flames is Sedaris’ most recent collection of stories. And that’s exactly what these are – simply stories. It’s like sitting across from someone in your living room who can really tell a great story. It’s a rare gift — an art — that I really appreciate. And, boy, can he ever tell a story!

He is so damn hilarious, I have to control my laughter in the middle of the night. The topics covered are ridiculous (you can read a summary list of the bizarre topics here, under Contents). He just plucks out something from his life — past or present — and runs with it, including odd diversions and tangents along the way. There really is no rhyme or reason, but it is so refreshingly entertaining. (Kind of like reading blogs, come to think of it.)

So if you’re feeling like I am, try a bit of Sedaris. It’ll help.