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January 30th, 2012

When Men were Men

Yesterday, I did something unusual. I went to see a movie that was filled with frightening scenes and macho bravado. And I drank it up all.

Liam Neeson in the film The Grey. Photo credit.

It’s old fashioned and sexist to believe that men should all be strong and brave, just as it would be to believe that all women should be nurturing and gentle. But the news has been filled with stories of weak, dishonourable men as of late. And it is making me long for a time (fictional or not) for when “men were men.”

First there is the Penn State football scandal in which assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky repeatedly abused young boys. On several occasions, according to this report posted today, Sandusky was caught in the middle of abusing a child:

In the fall of 2000, a janitor named James Calhoun witnesses Sandusky pinning a young boy up against a wall and abusing him. He does not pull Sandusky off the child and get the child to safety.
In this same year, another employee, Ronald Petrosky, is cleaning the showers and comes across Sandusky abusing another young boy. Again, another man witnesses a man abusing a child and does not intervene and get the child to safety.
In 2002, a graduate assistant to the team, Mike McQueary, comes across Sandusky sodomizing a young boy. Yet again, another a grown man does not intervene and get the child to safety.

I like to think that if I had been in the position of any of the three men above that I would run up screaming and yelling and try to push Sandusky away from the child. I also strongly believe that the men I know best would rather risk a black eye and upsetting an influential sports figure on campus, than live with knowing that they walked away from a child who desperately needed help. It’s one thing to hear of suspected abuse, but to witness it in the act not intervene? I simply can’t understand this.

Next, we have Captain Schettino of the Costa Concordia. His ship goes down, and rather than working to organize a rescue, he jumps overboard and saves himself. From a lifeboat, he watches the passengers frantically trying to escape while a Coast Guard captain urges him to go back on board to assist with the rescue. The entire conversation between Schettino and the Coast Guard is recorded and you can hear the captain’s weak excuses for not going back and the Guard finally demanding that he do — ” Get back aboard, damn it!” – to no avail. There are 11 passengers confirmed dead, and another 23 still unaccounted for.

And last but not least, the major news from yesterday was the guilty verdict in the Shafia case. Three members of the family, including the father, are charged with killing four members of the family – three sisters and the father’s second wife. Again, we have a man, Mohammad Shafia, putting his own needs first.

In the Penn State case, it would seem that the men did nothing so that they could avoid ruffling the feathers of a popular football team’s leadership, while in the Costa Concordia situation, Schettino feared for his own life and ran for shelter rather than to fulfill his duty as captain. Then, with Shafia, he is so focused on his own “honour” and reputation, he murders his own flesh and blood. Rather than re-examine his own values and do the hard work of bridging a compromise with his daughters, he decided to just make the “problem” go away.

I know there are plenty of honourable men – and women — in our society today. They quietly do hard, brave work every day. But the spate of recent media stories has really had me feeling sick to my stomach.

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January 22nd, 2012

Sundays are just so lovely, aren’t they?

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January 13th, 2012

What is the appropriate way to celebrate 15 years of marriage?

Last week, Hubby and I passed a pretty major milestone — 15 years of marriage.

When we celebrated our first anniversary, we went to a bed and breakfast in Kingston. Although it sounds peaceful and romantic, and that was certainly the intention, it really wasn’t. A couple staying above us came in really late and made a whole lot of racket laughing and stumbling around drunk, which was followed by some other, ahem, “noises” that kept us up half the night.

But after that first anniversary, it all starts to get fuzzy and mostly involves me forgetting what the actual date was in January (thank goodness Hubby had the date engraved on his ring or we’d never remember!). We did, however, manage to pull out all the stops for our 10th anniversary. Hubby asked whether I’d like a special piece of jewelry or a trip. I said “trip!” And off to Cuba the three of us went (Stella was 5). We had a fabulous time!

Now, it’s 15 years. That’s a biggie sort of anniversary, isn’t it? In the morning, Hubby gave me this beautiful card:

I looked up what the traditional gift is supposed to be for year #15 and this is what I found:

“Crystal is the primary material for the fifteenth anniversary with glass as the modern material and watches as the alternate modern choice. Beautiful crystal jewelry, crystal flowers, or a figurine would make a nice gift. The crystal anniversary is also a great opportunity to invest in a feature piece of decorative crystal or art glass for your home.”

So in case Hubby was feeling a bit lost, there is some definite clear guidance out there on what is considered the appropriate gift for celebrating a 15th wedding anniversary. Being a man of unique tastes, he instead opted to give me this. He explained that this gift, with its ability to increase the effectiveness of our interpersonal communications, could certainly get us through the next 15 years.

What can I say? The man is genius. GENUIS! I tell ya.

Happy anniversary baby! xoxo

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January 2nd, 2012

The Homemade Gift

Us busy folks just love a homemade anything, don’t we? Marketers, of course, know this and like to use the word to advertise their wares any chance they get. But the truly homemade gift is a special thing indeed.

Some of the most cherished homemade gifts I’ve received include a quilt from my mother-in-law for each bed in the house, a quilt from my special Aussie girlfriend Nat, and a scrapbooked collage from my mom. As for gifts from Hubby, I can’t even list the number of homemade gifts he’s made for me over the years. He is crazy-talented and I’ve received everything from jewelry, decorative boxes, and artwork to a cedar-strip canoe and a bed!

This year for Christmas, I was fortunate enough to receive two homemade gifts. The first was a painting by my father. Hubby and I are beyond thrilled with this since it’s the first painting that he’s painted especially for us. And the second is this very groovy tote from my sister and brother-in-law. Check it out! (You know it’ll be on my arm at the next BlogHer or Blissdom, don’t you!)

On the front is the image that represents the age-old saying: “The pen is mightier than the sword.”

And on the back, you can see that the tote has been customized for the blog! Here is a close-up shot:

They also gave me a cookie-mix in a jar. I’m glad it looks pretty in the jar on my shelf since, well, I don’t bake or cook. But it’s the thought that counts, right?

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January 1st, 2012

2011: The Year That Was (Part 2 of 2)

In continuation from yesterday ….

July 2011: By this time, our family had moved into a new home while simultaneously welcoming overseas family to Canada for the first time. It was busy, but we had fun! We shared as much of our area with them as possible, including Canada Day in downtown Ottawa and a visit to Toronto. A sense of relief was also felt by Hubby and I as we settled into our new neighbourhood and adjusted to the change. In total, I published 6 posts in July.

August 2011: Making hay while the sun is shining, I spent some time in the Land O’ Lakes with girlfriends and our family took a camping trip to Algonquin Park. August is also Stella’s birthday month and we celebrated her 9th birthday with friends and family. Last year before she hits double digits! In total, I wrote 10 posts.

September 2011: We managed to decorate Stella’s bedroom in the new house — as per the promise we made her before moving. (The rest of the house remains fairly untouched to this day! *sigh*) I did some mild ranting about the Back-to-School push to buy-buy-buy as well as what I saw as the declining state of Canadian Business magazine. And last but least, I hatched a crazy idea for my 40th birthday called “Month of Me.” In total, I published 9 posts.

October 2011: This month was a wild ride! My 40th birthday was going to take place in October and I decided that the entire month should be a fun, guilt-free time where my priorities and desires would always come first. I didn’t have the time to write about everything that happened in October, but it included a ton of lunches with girlfriends, two blogging conferences, a trip to New York City, time with my Hubby, a massive Thanksgiving dinner outside with all of my family, and a messy celebration at 4 Cats Art Studio! Phew! In total, I wrote 11 posts.

November 2011: This was a busy month catching up on all the things I neglected in October! But I did manage to write a few snippets from the New York City trip and share my new-found love for home decor. In total, I wrote 10 posts in November.

December 2011: No surprise that of the 11 posts I wrote in December, 6 of them were related to Christmas. Surprisingly, the most popular of these was the first Christmas gift guide that I’d created for Coffee with Julie. (A lot of people do gift guides, so I wasn’t sure how it would be received.) But mostly I think I just succeeded in annoying a lot of faithful Ikea folks. Oops.

And now we’re here — 2012! — a whole year has passed. The easiest, but sometimes tear-inducing, way for me to see the passage of time is to look at my children. They have grown so much in the past year. My son Max went from a quiet toddler who was slow to speak to a great big boy who is now happily chatting away to us, while my daughter Stella never ceases to amaze (and amuse) us with the depth of her kindness and intelligence. Both occupy our days (and sometimes our nights) endlessly, and yet they are the source of a type of joy that makes life worth living.

Hubby and I know that the universe has been kind to us, and we are very grateful for the happiness and health of our family. We do not take this for granted, but rather we often look at each other before we go to sleep and say, “We are so lucky.” (Happiness doesn’t come easy to me, but I practice gratitude every day.) I sincerely hope that you can also share in this kind of “luck” in the year ahead, in whatever form that might take … an ignited career passion, adventures in forests, or a hobby that lights your heart.