Archive for December, 2009

living

Tipping makes me nervous


It feels silly to admit that, at the age of 38, I still don’t understand the nuances of tipping. I find the whole custom so uncomfortable.

If I leave an enormous tip, then it feels like I’m saying that I’m wealthy — so pompously rich that I can freely dispense with my money and share it with those working in the service industry. But if I leave a meagre tip, then I’m not just a working-class person — I’m cheap. So I’m always trying to figure out what is the “right” tip to leave. One that meets the expectations of this custom, without overdoing it or underdoing it. 

Restaurants are easy enough because I’ve worked as a server and so have my friends so I understand the general custom is to leave a tip of 15-20% of the bill when you receive good service. I’m still not sure if this is supposed to be a % calculated before the tax or after, but whatever, I least I have an idea of what is expected of me. And I’m that wimpy sort that leaves a 15-20% tip even when I’ve had mediocre — or even terrible — service.

But what is expected of me in other situations, I just don’t know. For instance:

  • In a taxi, do you leave a lump sum tip, a percentage, or just whatever the change happens to be?
  • I know that at a resort, you’re supposed to leave a tip for the cleaning staff each morning in your room … but are you also supposed to do this in a standard North American hotel too?
  • I think you’re supposed to leave $1-2/bag if a porter brings your cases up to your hotel room. But if I have only one bag, it feels uncomfortable to hand someone such small change. In that case, are you supposed to pass over a $5 bill?
  • If you pick up your pizza or Chinese food from the restaurant, are you supposed to leave a tip then too? Or only if you eat in the restaurant?
  • It seems only right that I tip a delivery person for takeaway food, but how much is it supposed to be? The same as a server?

By far the most perplexing tipping situation for me though is at the hair salon. I’ve been to salons where they have one person who washes your hair, another person who cuts your hair, and a different person who colours your hair. I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to give each one of them a tip, but that sure gets expensive! And are you supposed to give the receptionist a tip too?

To avoid all this mental stress, I’ve found a very small hair salon. One woman greets me, washes, cuts and colours my hair, and does the invoice. Although I still don’t know if I’m supposed to tip a percentage of my total bill or a consistent lump sum each time, at least I know who I should give it to!

Last night, I had my hair done. While I’m still sitting in the chair, I’m nervously trying to calculate what my total bill will be and what tip I’m supposed to leave for her. It’s crazy; I’m practically breaking a sweat over this custom. (Oh it was so nice and relaxing to get my hair done when I lived in Australia, where tipping is not part of the culture!)

My hair is done. She passes me the invoice. I pass her some money to pay the invoice. Then I pass some more over to her, saying: “This is for you, love.”

Awkward silence.

Um, yeah, in my nervousness, I called her “love” (which is a pet name that I use with my husband). We both paused for a moment. Then moved on like it never happened.

Please spare me this kind of embarrassment again and tell me how you handle tipping!


living
family

When going to work feels like a holiday


As I was scrolling through facebook updates last night, I noticed one of my friends admit that she was looking forward to her kids going back to school and then added “is that really wrong?” I reached out immediately and made my own admission that I suspected that going back to work today is going to feel like a holiday.

This friend and I never see each other. We’re facebook friends in the pure sense. But I find this kind of supportive and honest chit-chat comforting. We’re two women in entirely different circumstances — she is a stay-at-home mother of three children in a small town, while I’m a work-outside-the-home mother of two children just outside of Canada’s capital city — and yet we both still harbour something similar: “mother guilt.”

There are all sorts of theories, both mainstream and academic, on the notion of “mommy wars.” But I think a lot of it boils down to both sides (working and stay-at-home) of motherhood reacting to their own niggling, nagging feelings of guilt.

I’ve tried both now: stay-at-home and working. And the thing is, the guilt never left. I just felt guilty about different things.

Intellectually, I know that this kind of guilt makes no sense. I mean, take my friend for example … she’s a super-dedicated mother of three, including one child with special needs, and she was feeling guilty because of the frustration of constantly cleaning up after the kids during the holidays. I think we can all agree that she has absolutely no reason to feel guilty for anything. Frustration is a natural emotion and it’s not like she feels or expresses frustration all the time. 

XUP did a post recently that was titled, quite simply, “Guilt.” In it, she argued that guilt was not an authentic emotion. I had a hard time swallowing that because if guilt’s not authentic, man, I sure spend a hell of a lot of time in the inauthentic. But the more I think about it, the more I think she’s on to something. She explains it like this:

Guilt, I think,  is all about external judgments, not internal. It’s not you who thinks what you’re doing is wrong, or you wouldn’t be doing it. It’s what you believe other people will think of you doing this thing that makes you feel “guilty”. So you are going outside of yourself to define how to behave rather relying on your internal mechanisms of decision-making.

One of the most interesting aspects to guilt, at least for me, is that women are far more afflicted than men. I just can’t imagine a man ever feeling guilty for going to work in the morning, or for feeling frustrated with his children for making the house a mess, or for not enjoying every single moment of parenthood. Maybe men do feel these things, but just never say it out loud. Who knows. But I suspect not.

Which leads me to Penelope Trunk. Here is a woman who does not feel “mother guilt.” But not only that, she’ll take you down for suggesting that she should. Or for trying to “guilt” her. For example, one day she twittered the following:

“No school today and the nanny’s on vacation. A whole day with the kids gets so boring: all intergalactic battles and no intellectual banter.”

One response she got back was this:

“@penelopetrunk sorry your kids are a burden, send them to OH, we’ll enjoy them for who they are”

Clearly this man had no idea who he was messing with because you know what she did? She tracked his phone number down and called him at work. When she didn’t get an answer from him there, she did this:

Then I called David Dellifield’s house. I thought maybe his wife would answer and I could ask her if she knows that her husband is emailing other women to encourage them to send more kids to his wife to take care of. All day.

And she also wrote about the whole thing in a post called I hate David Dellified. The one from Ada, Ohio in which she de-bunks the whole notion that a parent should be loving every minute of parenting. Of course, she backs it all up with research and her quick wit. Oh, I get such a kick out of this woman!

While Penelope Trunk’s income and IQ are certainly worth envying, what I really envy is her guts and certainty. She’s certain that you can love your children without loving the day-to-day act of parenting them. And that it’s okay to say it out loud — without any guilt-laden language.

 So, you know what? Going to work today didn’t feel so bad.


travel

NYC’s Bowery District


I haven’t found a home for this article, so I thought I’d share it on my blog. Perhaps it will entice you to take a long weekend in New York’s Bowery district? If you do … please come back and tell us all about your adventure! Hubby and I have been desperate to run off for a weekend in NYC again, but I’ve already booked the grandparents in to babysit as part of my Winter Resolution, so I may be pushing my luck to expect two weekends sans children! One can always hope though …

NYC still an international melting pot

An unexpected, but lovely, lilting accent greets restaurant guests to New York City’s latest darling, Double Crown. French-born restaurant manager, Leslie Affre, first came to New York City on holiday in 2007 with her then-boyfriend Christopher Rendell, a sought-after international chef, and it hooked her hard.

“I really fell in love. I thought it was just so beautiful — the city’s mix of old and new. I remember that when we left, I just cried.” It took little prompting then for the couple to pack up their London-based life, where they were both working at the celebrated Mews of Mayfair restaurant, to help AvroKo Restaurant Group open their latest architectural and culinary sensation, Double Crown restaurant.

For Rendell, this is the fourth in a series of highly successful openings that have included The Grocer of Elgin and the Mews of Mayfair in London, as well as Public* in New York’s NoLIta neighbourhood. “You start with rubble – literally — then build a space, menu, and a fully functioning restaurant. It’s not the lack of sleep that attracts me, that’s for sure. But it’s satisfying to be part of a creation.”  Double Crown’s key players, which include Rendell, its chef de cuisine, and Affre, its manager, worked around the clock to ensure a smooth launch less than one year ago, and it’s paid off with favourable reviews and consistently full tables.

Double Crown’s name plays upon its inspired concept of the British colonial empire’s presence in the East, including India, Singapore and China. The influence of eastern flavours upon British traditional fare results in a menu that includes Venison Wellington, Miso-glazed Bone Marrow, Pheasant and Licorice Pie, and Rendell’s favourite dish, Tandoori Foie Gras Torchon with Earl Grey. Reflecting this concept, the restaurant’s décor is eclectic – Indian soapstone screens, teak tables, red neon lights and ceiling fans turned by leather straps mange to be brilliantly intermingled.

Double Crown’s Reigning Couple

The combinations of Asian spice with British cuisine, and modern décor with eastern artifacts, aren’t the only unlikely pairings at this restaurant. Rendell and Affre, now newly weds, have created a cultural combination of their own. Rendell, a city-raised Australian who doesn’t speak a word of French and Affre, raised in a small French village outside of Cannes, are bound together in their love for the restaurant business.   

 chrisPhoto credit: Ellinor Stig

It is fitting then that the couple’s romantic sparks were first ignited over a great restaurant experience. “My parents had come to London to visit me,” Affre explains, “and we went to the Mews restaurant, where I worked as a manager, to celebrate my father’s birthday. Chris was head chef, and he prepared the most amazing meal for us. It was just so special. We’ve been together ever since.”

Affre’s interest in the restaurant business began when she started to follow the career of her brother Olivier, a chef in a 3-star Michelin restaurant in France. Now it has a firm hold on her:  “You provide people with an experience – you make their night. For me, it is just so rich.” Rendell echoes this kind of deep engagement, saying he “just can’t imagine not being in the kitchen. It’s a part of me.”

Together, the couple makes their marriage work by coordinating their schedules so that they have a least one day off each week together, which isn’t always easy since Rendell’s role demands regular work weeks of 60-70 hours. On holidays, they often take advantage of the short flight-time to France and visit with Affre’s family and participate in celebrations, such as the recent Christening of Affre’s nephew, where Rendell was honoured as Godfather.

 Bowery: Where Grunge and Glamour Intersect

Across the street from Double Crown stands the now-closed CBGB club, made infamous in the mid-1970s by featuring underground rock bands such The Ramones, Talking Heads and Patti Smith. The streets of this area, a small district in the southern portion of Manhattan called Bowery, were once lined with flop houses and strewn with the bodies of drug addicts and drunks. “Ten years ago, you wouldn’t walk alone here, but now there’s $7,000-a-month-lofts above our restaurant,” says Rendell.

If you visit the Bowery soon enough, you’ll be able to witness the intersection of its gritty history with its impending, gentrified future as New York City’s next SoHo. Although this sixteen-block stretch is now home to upscale hotels, restaurants and fashion boutiques, guided walking tours provide glimpses of its seedy edges and are an excellent way to learn about the area’s fascinating immigrant heritage and gang-land lore, as featured in Martin Scorsese’s film Gangs of New York. The nearby Lower East Side’s Tenement Museum also offers guided tours of apartments that recreate immigrant life in the 19th and 20th centuries.

After slumming around in the area’s past, you can visit the latest resident on Bowery, the New Museum, where some of the world’s most contemporary art is showcased. Designed by Tokyo-based architects Kazuyo Sejima and Ryue Nishizawa, the museum opened in 2007 and treats weekend visitors to panoramic city views from its Sky Room. Families may also want to take advantage of the short walk to the Children’s Museum of Manhattan, a five-floor marvel of age-specific exhibits on literature, science and arts.

*I know it will sound a bit crazy, but the bathroom at Public is so gorgeous that it almost rivals the amazing food!


travel
media

Onward & upward! 250 of the best places to stay, cities to see and finds worth finding in 2010


The Christmas frenzy is now over and I love looking forward to a fresh new year full of possibilities.

To get yourself dreaming for the year ahead, check out today’s Ottawa Citizen‘s Travel Section (print). Laura Robin, the paper’s Travel Editor, does an annual roundup of “best lists” — 250 of the best places to stay, cities to see and finds worth finding.

In the past, I’ve contributed “5 best men’s rooms with a view“ (don’t ask me how I know about these!) and “5 best wine touring regions in Australia“ (I like my Australian wine almost as much as I like my Australian “flat white” coffees!).

I am so happy to once again be a contributor. This year has really opened up my heart to blogs and blogging and I’ve contributed a piece titled “5 best travel blogs,” each of which you can now easily access via my blogroll lists on the bottom right-hand column of this blog.

travelblog

A second list that appears in the paper today is “5 best girlfriend getaways” These are no traditional “spa & shopping” affairs, but truly unique experiences to share with the special girlfriends in your life. If I manage to do all 5 of these getaways before I die, I will die a happy woman.

zion

But come to think of it … you could do any of these trips with your guy friends, boyfriend, partner, or spouse and they would be just as amazing! So I’m already thinking ahead to a family summer vacation at Zion Ponderosa Ranch Resort. Here is a photo of one of the canyons:

canyon

What dreams and plans do you have for 2010?


living
family
media

Christmas stories to warm your heart


snoopyAlthough the whole house seems to be sick (again), and hubby and I are exhausted from rotating night visits to children, I’ve been warming up my heart to Christmas by reading the memories of other bloggers.

These are stories that touched my heart and resonated with me in a strong way. I hope that they may have the same lovely effect on you too.

Merry Christmas to each and every one of you and may tomorrow be the start of some special memories for you and your family.

  • A Dad with a big heart (and a sense of humour) keeps Santa alive for his kids. Posted by my friend and fellow blogger at Father Knows Best?
  • Did you ever get those “Livesaver books” for Christmas as a kid? Me too! This post was so real for me, written by a blogger I stumbled upon this morning.
  • One of my favourite bloggers, XUP, tells of the most treasured gift she ever received for Christmas.

Happy, fluffy-snow and holiday time!

Love from your coffee-break companion, Julie.

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